i'm freaking out.

i'm freaking out.

Even though it’s just me here, alone in my room typing, my brain is thinking about the fact that you’ll be reading this at some point and who knows what you’ll think of it (especially you who just recently subscribed and this might be the first email you ever receive from me. First impressions! Ahh!). 

My brain is also thinking about being on stage tonight in front of 100+ people, managing 30 performers, doing the thing that we’ve been working so hard towards for months. 

But as all those thoughts run through my mind, and as they create anxiety and tension inside of me, I am literally still here alone in my room. 

Hair wet from a shower, orange curtains billowing in front of me, legs tucked up on my chair as my fingers translate the words that want to come through. 

I’m here. 

Not there

it’s crazy that we give so much time, attention, and credit to the thoughts in our brain, when most of the time, those thoughts don’t mirror the reality in front of us. 

If I breathe more as I write this, if I keep typing instead of stopping to think so much, the words flow more and more. 

I feel less tense and more free because I’m in the moment with what I’m doing. (rather than thinking ahead to what might happen later.)

I feel more free because I’m taking the pressure off myself to create a finished product that you’ll love. (instead I’m just typing out what’s true for me in this moment.) 

And when I close this laptop and move on to rehearsal later, and the show later than that, this is what I intend to do. Be the same person I am right now. See what’s in front of me. Breathe. Let what authentically wants to come through me, to come through. 

because presence is how we get free.

Because letting feelings and thoughts move through us, rather than staying stuck in them, is how we get free. It’s how we can show up - for our art, for our partner, for our community, for the world - in a way that’s authentic and in sync with the flow of energy around us. 

So. Here’s to a lot less thinking and worrying, and a lot more feeling and seeing what’s right here in front of us. 

The body holds the key to what our brains can’t understand yet.

Keep tuning into it and taking it one step at a time.

here with you, 

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