Showtime is in 2 days and I’m scared.
I’m scared I won’t be good.
I’m scared I’ll have a bad hair day.
I’m scared my pulled muscle will get worse.
I’m scared of losing.
I’m scared of being laughed at.
I’m scared I’ll fall.
I’m scared I won’t do my best.
I’m scared they won’t see the real me because I’ll be stuck in my nervous-and-trying-to-impress-you mode and miss the whole point.
I’m scared of failure and of success.
I’m scared I’ll have to do this again.
And again. And again.
I’m scared of the anticipation of performing.
I’m scared for the people who perform all the time.
I’m scared I want to be one of those people.
In the midst of all these fears, I picked up the book Daring Greatly this week, which I had been avoiding for months. (Thanks, Joanna, for the nudge to finally pick it up.) In it, the author Brené Brown talks about her studies on vulnerability and her personal experience with it, as in the first time she gave a TED talk. She says:
[quote]The willingness to show up changes us. It makes us a little braver each time.[/quote]
Thank you, Brené. I’ll take that.
If nothing else, I am committed to showing up on Saturday and performing my dance piece. Even if I have a terrible hair day, break out in hives, fall on my face, and fart on stage, I will be there, legwarmers and leotard ready to go.
My ballet-trained mind sees perfection and winning the competition as the main goals of this event, and it’s the part of me that is driven to work myself into the ground. I tried this method and then pulled a muscle. (Thanks, body, for giving me the signal to stop.)
So being forced to slow down midweek as my muscle rests and heals, I’m getting in touch with my more authentic side that realizes there is a larger goal here. It’s not that I don’t want to win and nail all my pirouettes and make my parents proud - of course I want those things. It’s just that I’m learning to want them without attachment. The only attachment I have is to my own commitment to showing up and being seen for who I am. The real goal is sharing my vulnerability and passion and welcoming others to do the same.
So whatever it is you’re scared of this week, creative one, know that you can do it anyway.
Here's your action step:
Write out your own “I’m scared of…” list to help dissipate the fear, and then recommit showing up and being seen exactly as you are. Friday is a full moon in Aries, after all, which is all about action, courage, and passion.
What are you most scared of? Share it with me in the box below.
We are all human and we are all in this together.
Let’s show up and share our gifts. I really think the world needs us to.
Keep shining and keep creating, even on a bad hair day,