when to stay home & when to follow through with social plans

bedAhh crap. That class is coming up. I said I would be there. But it’s a 40-minute train ride. I’m tired. I’m comfy at home. I could catch up on work or just finally have time to myself to relax.

What should I do?? Time is ticking…



Ever have those moments when you really just want to stay home?


You know you’re supposed to go to that class/event/show/party but you just really. wanna. stay. in bed.


In my experience, sometimes it’s good to let self-care trump your RSVP.

Sometimes a little rest and relaxation is truly what your soul needs, and it’s ok to make that boundary for yourself.


But other times, the pull to stay home can actually be resistance to something that will push you past your comfort zone and bring about something awesome.

Sometimes you might have more fun than you would’ve ever imagined, or you’ll discover new opportunities and growth in unexpected ways.


A situation like this came up for on Monday night. I told my friend Daniela that I would go to her 5Rhythms dance class. But when the time came I was feeling so lazy and tired and didn’t want to make the commute.


All kinds of excuses ran through my head, but I decided to go anyway. Beneath the excuses there was a little voice that was telling me I needed to be there.


And once I went with it, my experience on the dance floor was magical. I met a new dance partner - who happened to have been in the musical Cats on Broadway for 6 years, my-favorite-musical-ever-omg! - and I learned a lot about how important it is for me right now to be dancing in community versus just a solo practice.




Taking this experience into account and the many, many times I’ve had to talk myself into sticking with the plan or surrendering to my home-bodied nature, often making what felt like the wrong decision, I’ve identified a few things that can help you next time you find yourself in a similar situation.


Here are 3 questions to ask yourself next time you’re wondering if you should stay home or follow through with the party plan:


  1. What is my body telling me?

Take a moment to close your eyes, breathe, put a hand on your belly, and just listen. (Preferably after a dance break.) If you imagine yourself going out, how does it feel inside? If you imagine yourself staying home how does that feel? That feeling gauge can be enough in itself, and if you get a strong message either way, I suggest you go with it. Our bodies know. But just in case your body’s message is unclear, or you find yourself stuck in your head still, continue on to these other questions…


  1. Is this something I want to go to truly for me? Or am I compelled to go out of FOMO or people-pleasing?

Really get clear on your motivation. If it’s something you’re “supposed” to do because you want to look good in someone else’s eye, or you’re just afraid of missing out, then that’s something to pay attention to. Sometimes we do things we don’t entirely feel jazzed to do if it’s for someone we love and we are willing to rally. That’s different than making yourself go somewhere because of outer appearances or surface-level connections. Be true to YOU.


  1. Are there any options outside of the black or white?

A great thing to find out is if there’s any way to make a compromise or grey area happen. Is there a happy medium between your bed and the social setting? For example, maybe you could make a deal with yourself to go out for an hour and then leave if you’re not feelin’ it. Or maybe you decide to take a nap first and show up a little late but more refreshed. After you come up with a middle ground idea, run it by your body/feeling gauge again and see how it lands.

What do you think?

Those are my suggestions. I’d love to hear how they land for you, and if you have any practices of your own that help you make decisions like this. So please speak up and share more in the comment box below.


Let’s keep aiming to follow our gut instinct and trust in the magic that’s always lingering around us.

Because magic can happen anywhere - you just have to be aligned and feel good about exactly where you decide to be. {click to tweet that}


with love in all your decisions,



p.s. Looking to get out of your comfort zone in an amazing way this fall? Consider joining my Creative Fridays LIVE series in Brooklyn. More details are here.