the dance shuffle solution: using dance to get unstuck

When I had difficulty deciding on what to write this week, I turned to a new tool I’ve been using lately in my own life and with my clients.

Thought it would be a good time to share it with you, just in case you’re suffering from writer’s block, indecision, boredom, or any kind of mind-stuckness.

I call it the Dance Shuffle Solution.

Watch the video or read below to see how it works, and then try it out for yourself!

If you find it valuable, please share it with a few friends to keep the dance in motion.

Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Assess your problem and turn it into a question.

For example, you can ask yourself:

“What should write about on my blog this week?”

“How should I handle that conversation with Patty?”

“Should I go on the trip or stay home next weekend?”

Step 2: Get your music source ready to shuffle.

This could be your iPod, your Spotify or Pandora account, or the plain old radio.

Don’t try to predict what song will come on. Don’t plan which station you’ll go to or which playlist you’ll choose from.

Just open it up and hit SHUFFLE.

Step 3: Dance along to at least 3 songs.

Pay close attention to just listening fully to the  music and letting your body move through it.

Even if it’s not a song you would typically choose, go ahead and dance to it. Let your body do the listening and the talking.

Step 4: Assess the session.

Get out a notebook and just start writing the answer to your question. Do not overthink this!! Let whatever comes to you out on paper.

The results here can be twofold:

1. Moving around for 3 songs, about 10 minutes, is a fabulous way to get out of your head and into your body which will result in feeling more focused and less foggy mentally. It’s like hitting the refresh button on your brain.

2. Sometimes the songs will speak to your questions directly. The lyrics of the songs, the melody of the music, the sequence of the songs that play… pay attention to it all! Nothing is a coincidence, in my opinion, and I really think there’s a way to dance into your answers using this solution.

Step 5: Share with friends and tell me how it goes!

I’d love to hear what happens for YOU! Share below and let's keep on dancin'.

is being "the lead" an ego-trip?

About 20 years ago I stepped onstage as the lead in Swan Lake for my New Jersey dance school’s yearly production. I really had wanted to be cast as one of the 4 “little swans” in the piece where they intertwine hands and quickly move their feet. Instead I got stuck as the lead.

I had to dance a pas de deux with Vinny, one of the only guys in the studio. I had to stand out. I felt like all the other girls hated me because I was "the lead." And I hated every minute of it.

But the Type-A in me had to perform perfectly. In the VHS footage of that performance, I don’t think I smiled once. I was so determined to get all the steps right and to nail my fouette turns, that I didn’t even really enjoy the process.

These opposing parts - the perfectionist who strived to be the best and the self-deprecating, shy little girl who just wanted to blend in - spent a long time fighting. Even in school, I would hold myself back and get answers wrong on purpose if I felt like I was getting too many A’s - because being called a “goody-two-shoes” was not cool at all.

Maybe you can relate?

I’ve seen similar patterns in clients and friends: Wanting something so badly but then sabotaging or holding back so that you don’t quite get there. Playing in the safe zone. Finding connection through the struggle, rather than the success.

It must be shocking to my younger ballerina self that I’m not only about to perform the lead in another version of Swan Lake, but I CREATED this opportunity myself. No one forced me to stand out this time. I was compelled to.

 

And honestly, I had a lot of hang-ups throughout the process, even though I knew that it was essential for my soul.

I worried that it would come off as being egotistical or selfish. I worried that the other dancers who I invited to be part of it would think I was a jerk. I worried about being judged.

 And then I stopped thinking and got to work.

And here’s what I learned:

If it comes from an authentic place, being in the spotlight is really about sharing. (tweet it!)

The reason my soul was compelled to journey down this path is because of the pain it’s been through and the deep messages it wants to communicate with the world. Dancing and performing happens to be the outlet that I chose. To paraphrase the classic Marianne Williamson quote, shining my light is giving others permission to shine theirs. It’s contagious inspiration.

Being the lead actually takes a lot of selflessness, humility, and generosity.

As I’ve been directing, choreographing and rehearsing, I’m pouring my heart into the process and holding the space for each performer to own their power and communicate a strong message. I’m also constantly having to relinquish the way my mind thinks something should go, and instead allow it to happen naturally. I’m wowed by the collaboration that’s in action and by the creative ideas and input that each performer contributes. I’m stepping back as much as I’m standing out. We all are.

And so, creative one, here's the message I'm passing on to you on this Creative Friday:

It’s ok to follow the impulse to be a star if that’s what you truly desire. You never know who you might inspire or help. You will save the world in your own way if you take the lead in your own story.

Just like the theme of the show itself indicates, you can create your own way. The answers aren’t in the clouds or in a book or even in a role model, they are inside of YOU.

Take a moment to share your thoughts on this in the comment box below -

Where in your life are you stepping into a starring role or holding yourself back?

What are you feeling called to lead?

Go ahead. The stage is waiting.

leading with love,

Jess

how to overcome self-doubt

Over the table of a group coffee hang-out, one of my best friends was practically in tears as she told us about her 4th grant application that got rejected. She’s an accomplished choreographer who is constantly making and performing awesome work, and she also lives a life of travel and freedom. Total success in my book.

But she was feeling terrible about herself because she was applying to things and not being accepted. She asked us for words of encouragement.

We all have been there.

The moment where we say:

“What was I thinking? I’m not good enough to try and do this...”

“Of course my application got rejected...I’m terrible.”

“Why did I even start this project in the first place?”

Self-doubt is real and palpable. It can swoop in and convince you that the dream that once felt so possible and exciting is a load of crap and you should just quit now.

So do you listen to that voice or what?

Self-doubt is a normal part of being human and being an artist, and if you learn to expect it and handle it in the right way, it doesn’t have to derail you for too long.

If you’re feeling bad about yourself and your talent, you don’t need to quit, you don’t need to wallow and feel bad about yourself for weeks on end.

What you need is a friend to remind you that you’re great.

...To remind you to dust off your jeans and get back up again because you have important work to do in this world.

It really can be as simple as that.

In case you don’t have a friend to call in this moment, let me help you.

A couple of months ago a video popped into my inbox from a dear friend in Washington DC. It was made for her daughter Azalea by her best friend Seneca.

And it goes like this:

Just what you needed to hear? I thought so.

I was so touched by this video - by the thoughtfulness of this 8 year old girl and the bravery and love that she shared with her friend - and I was so curious to hear more. So I got in touch with Seneca’s mom Michelle to ask her more about the video and to see if Seneca would be open to talking with me. She was.

So below is a brief interview I did with Seneca - I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

After you watch, please leave your comments for us below!

I’m sure Seneca would love to hear the impact her dance video is making.

And remember, in the words of a wise soul -

“Follow your dream...You don’t have to be someone that you’re not to impress someone.” ~ Seneca

be brave, be bold, be you,

Jess

how to not feel guilty

“Sometimes it’s necessary to discover ourselves before we are able to see the rest of the world undistorted.”

- David S. Viscott, M.D., author of Feel Free

I got this book for $2 at a random stoop sale years ago. I liked the retro vibe of it and the phrase “Feel Free” felt like something I needed to see more of.

But it was one of those that sat on my bookshelf for years without being opened….

...Until a few weeks ago.

I noticed the subtitle: “How to Do Everything You Want Without Feeling Guilty.”

Boom. Was this book reading my mind?

If you’re reading this blog, chances are it might be reading your mind, too.

If you are a creative type, at some point in your life you’ve probably felt guilt for pursuing something you wanted to do.

Cue the whispering voices in your head:

Are you really going to spend your time painting when there are children starving in Africa?

Your parents worked so hard to make a decent living in this country, and so you better not go to art school and throw it all away!

You shouldn’t move to Hollywood because too many people rely on you in your hometown. And plus, it’s really hard to make it out there.

Layer. On. The. Guilt.

Sometimes guilt is internally created, sometimes it’s projected from people around us.

Guilt is a deep and twisted subject matter, and I’m not trying to solve it all right here in this blog post, but I am encouraging you to think about the places in your life where guilt is lurking and start to untangle it.

Because it’s one of those things that’s just blocking up your creative channel, preventing you from doing things that could free you up to actually make a difference in the world.

So if you’re feeling guilty for doing something you want to do, here are some questions to ask yourself:

• What purpose is the guilt serving? Is it holding you back from doing something you actually want to do? Is it protecting you from hurting someone or being hurt by others?

• What could be the worst that would happen? If you actually did the thing you want to do, in spite of the guilt? Are we talking lives at stake here or just some angry folks shaking their heads silently?

• What could be the best that would happen? What would shift in your life/career/relationships/creativity if you took the leap and did this thing? Does it out-weigh the guilt?

Do some writing on these questions and see what comes out.

It might lead you to a very necessary conversation that’s been needing to be had, or maybe it will give you the clarity you need to take some step in the direction of your desires.

If at any point in the process you’re feeling stuck or need a boost, listen to this playlist and dance it out: Feel Free

Above all, get out of your head and make something.

The ability of the creative process to mirror and help work through the deeper issues of life is so incredibly amazing to me. One dance, one photograph, one essay, one song…. each has the ability to heal, transform, release, and clarify.

What will you make of it?

Please take a moment to out yourself with your guilt in the comment box below.

Airing your thoughts is another powerful way to move the icky stuff through you.

Freedom awaits.

on the train to guilt-free land,

Jess

p.s. next week I’ll be sharing more about something special I’m in the process of making, but in the meantime, I thought this video would make you laugh. I made it with my younger cousins last week, and it not-coincidentally fits into the theme of the day:

not every project has to be a production

Do you ever stop yourself from making something because it feels like too much of an undertaking?

Or because you want it to look really good and you’re waiting until you have enough funds or the right resources to make it happen?

For example, maybe you really want to produce a music video, but you don’t have contacts with bands and you only have a shitty camera, so you keep dreaming about it and tell yourself that once you get those things, THEN you can make it happen. In the meantime, you’re not working on much of anything else because you’re waiting for this to someday come together.

It’s all too easy to get paralyzed by bigger future visions and simultaneously shut off the creative process in the now.

If you’re thinking that way I have a new way of thinking for you to try on:

Don’t ignore your impulses. You can make and share projects on a whim, just because it’s fun, just because you’re inspired, just because you’re bored.

Now, don’t get me wrong - There are absolutely times when it’s appropriate to make big productions: to create full-length shows, to write novels, to paint murals, to produce music videos.

(I’m actually in the process with one of these productions now, creating my first dance show. This is completely new for me, as I’ve spent the last 5 years improvising my own dance videos on a shitty camera.)

Don’t give up on those bigger visions. They can totally happen.

The part that gets neglected, in my opinion, is the day-to-day creation process, using the basic resources you already have.

While you’re dreaming up your bigger productions, don’t shut off the little ways you can share your creative self-expression and just make stuff for the pure joy of it.

Especially for those of us with technical backgrounds and artistic training, it can feel scary to do something that is not of the highest caliber or hasn’t been rehearsed a million times.

That’s why I’m in love with a project my friend Denise is doing right now, called #danceinanemptyroom. It’s a great example of doing a project without making it into a big production.

I participated yesterday and got her to share a few words on camera afterwards, which you’ll hear below. We talk about getting over self-judgement, challenging the ego, discovering generosity through art, and passing on a chain of inspiration.

The whole experience took all of 20 minutes, and that included the interview I did with her. We shot the dance video on her iPhone in one take and uploaded it as it was to Facebook. Fun. Simple. Effective.

As a former professional dancer/choreographer who hasn’t been in the studio in 3 years, Denise said that this was a huge step for her - to put work out there that wasn’t polished or planned. But it has proven to be powerful. It’s caused a chain reaction of family and friends of hers who have joined in the dance-making experience, many of whom in the past would have never done something so bold.

Check out our chat and our dance video below, and then share your experience in the comments. I even dare you to make a dance video.

Are you regularly sharing your expressive self?

Or do you get caught up in the glitz and glamour of bigger production dreams that stop you from making stuff now?

Tell it all to me below. I want to hear the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s all beautiful to me.

love to shitty cameras everywhere,

Jess

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