emotions are fleeting. THIS is what's solid.

Sometimes I look back at old posts or photos and feel like I’m looking at a stranger.

In the moments when I feel uncertain or scared of the future, it’s hard to remember that there was once a time when I was confident.

In the moments when I feel super jazzed about life and on-fire with my work, I can look back on the sad or confused moments with compassion for that version of myself.

In the span of a week alone, I’ve felt both sides of that.

And I remembered -

This is why I make art. This is why I make dance videos.

Life might not make sense all the time, but dancing through it is the way I can leave my mark and make some sense of the feelings. I can say to the world, “I was here! I lived through THIS thing, in THIS moment, feeling THIS feeling.” It might not translate literally, but what’s more important is that the feeling moves through me.

The point is, emotions are fleeting.

What’s solid is the truth within you and what you create in the world around you.

Are you connected to that truth inside of you?

Are you expressing it out into the world?

What structure do you have in place to support your dreams?

As you might have heard, I’m currently accepting applications for the Thriving Artist’s Program, my signature 6-month coaching program that provides the structure and support necessary to coax your creative truth to the surface and give you the confidence to share it in the world.

I recognize the ups and downs of a creative life, and I don’t think anyone should have to feel alone it.

If you’re curious about what creative support could look like for you in 2016, I encourage you to read more and fill out an application here.

I’ve heard back from applicants who got more clarity and had a-ha moments, just from the process of just filling it out alone.

Once you fill out the application, I’ll be in touch about setting up a time for a complimentary 1-1 call with me.

(FYI - All spots for next week are full, except for 3 slots on Monday 1/18, and those slots will go to the first 3 people who fill out their application today.)

I’ve been getting questions from you wondering what the structure of the program looks like, where it’s located, and how much it costs.

So I’ve added more details to the application page which you can find here:

http://jessgrippo.com/tap2016/

If you don’t decide to apply, I of course still love you and will be back next week as usual with Creative Fridays.

But I really encourage you to do it. There’s nothing to lose except old versions of yourself that are no longer serving the bigger dreams ready to emerge.

Let’s do this. Together.

with compassion for all our changing emotions,

Jess

p.s. I know it’s a time of Mercury Retrograde, lots of transition, and the unknown of a new year staring back at us, so I recognize that it might not feel like the right time to commit to anything. Just letting you know that there are other options available if this particular program is not a fit. You’ll never know what’s possible unless you take the first step.

when you don’t know, don’t isolate.

I’m learning that there’s a difference between a.) taking conscious alone time - i.e. meditating, reflecting, connecting to yourself and spirit - and b.) isolating yourself in a silently self-destructive kind of way.

Last week when I threw out all my 2016 plans, I almost threw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.

I had signed up for a coaching program back in November to get support for myself and my business as I grow into 2016, but with the way I was feeling, I wanted to back out. My left-brain/ego was really strong in telling me that I already had business experience and I just needed to figure things out on my own. Plus, I wasn’t clear on exactly what I wanted to create, so how could I be part of a group like this?

Then I got on the phone with the leader of the group a few nights ago, and when I said the words, “I don’t want to move forward with this program,” I felt sad and anxiety arose in my chest. As we continued to talk, the emotions welled up in me until I started crying, in the ugly-cry wailing kind of way. Release.

Through this powerful experience my body was giving me, I got the clarity that actually I didn’t want to move forward alone. Actually, I was terrified of the impending changes that I felt were brewing and something deep inside of me wanted community and support.

The simple experience of being heard on this phone call, knowing that the person on the other end of the line was holding space for my growth and expression, was profound. I felt at ease, everything felt possible again. I couldn’t have gotten to that place alone.

And that’s when it all tied together for me:

Connection. Community. Holding space for each other’s growth and truest expression.

That’s why I write this blog. That’s why I lead my dance and coaching programs.

Because yes, alone time is important, but isolation is self-destructive.

With support, we can find true healing and growth and opportunities that we never knew existed.

Especially in the moments of not knowing, of floundering in the darkness reaching for something to grasp hold of - that’s when we most need a hand to hold.

Consider this post the extension of my hand to yours.

Will you take it?

Are you curious to see what getting a new kind of support could look like for you?

If the answer is yes, let’s talk.

I’m officially opening up applications to the Thriving Artist’s Program, a 6-month journey for artists and artists-at-heart-who-are-scared-to-admit-they-are-an-artist to connect to the truths within you, own your value, and get past whatever’s blocking you from sharing your expression with the world.

(Click here to apply)

When you apply, you’ll be considered for one of the 9 complimentary spots I have open for Creative Guidance Sessions.

This is your chance to have 30-40 minutes of my full attention on your personal goals, dreams, and struggles, to uncover truths within you, to envision a thriving future for yourself, and co-create the steps to getting there.

But it’s not for everyone.

It’s only for you if you really feel it’s time:

It’s time to stop hiding and isolating yourself.

It’s time to stop making excuses.

It’s time to dance through your fears - even if the future feels unknown.

Especially if the future feels unknown.

Click here to apply to the Thriving Artist’s Program.

If I sense that what you’re going through is a match for what I provide, I’ll send you more instructions for claiming one of the spots to talk to me.

Doors close next Friday, so the time is now.

I hope you’ll take my hand.

tapping on your heart,

Jess

p.s. At our Showcase last month, one of our recent graduates from the program, Toccara, told us about how she “really didn’t like people” before starting the program, and tended to keep herself isolated. This was what she had to say upon completing our work together:

“I started the TAP program with a pretty high expectation- for Jess to help transform my life. Low and behold - in just six months - she did. When Jess and I first started working together I was a frustrated writer, a frustrated actress, a timid singer and a frantic creative with little time outside of my 9 to 5 to actually create. Put simply, I was pretty tightly wound and confused about which creative path I should travel in my limited free time.

“Jess and I started off by simply talking one-on-one and soon after these early conversations, I realized that having a caring and compassionate person to connect to, who is also an artist, was a necessary element that was missing from my life. Jess created an open space where I was allowed to speak candidly about my aspirations and my fears, and through this I was able to start clearing out all the mental clutter, and start creating again.

“While working with Jess I started to develop a t-shirt business, Love Always, TC; I created a singing project for myself that I will also be filming and editing; and I sang in front of an audience at the showcase - conquering a fear that had confined and defined me for years. I'm also writing again and it's no longer a source of frustration. Furthermore, I've thrived from learning how to create opportunities for myself, rather than waiting for someone else's approval or validation.

“The Thriving Artists Program offered opportunities for me to grow as an artist individually, yet the program also created a loving community of camaraderie through group video calls and artist retreats with other women. We were able to be a source of creative support and outreach for one another, which I found really comforting. I feel like I've made some lasting connections with other creative women that will last for years to come.”

What are YOU waiting for?

[button link="https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1obv77urkrjrQ64wyHMUMOWC1bf1ZfBCtLN7k_dkGoTg/viewform" size="large" color="aqua" window="yes"]Take the first step and apply here.[/button]

why I just threw out my 2016 plan

Instead of asking yourself, “What do I want to create in 2016?”

Ask yourself this:

"What is exciting me now?"

Really -

What truly lights you up when you imagine it happening?

What fills your soul by the mere idea of it entering your mind and body?

If you don’t know the answer to those questions, then….

[DING DING DING!]

...you just scored yourself an opportunity!

(Yes, you read that correctly. An opportunity. )

Not knowing exactly where you want to put your focus and energy can open up doors to new adventures - IF you actually take a pause and be open to the mystery.

Instead of spinning your wheels in whatever you think you should be doing this January, try the following:

• Stop doing what you usually do.

• Empty the clutter inside and out.

• Dare to do nothing.

Why?

If you keep doing what you normally do, you’re not leaving any room for a new idea to enter your being.

Action without intention behind it is a ticket to burnout and Netflix binges.

Instead, take a conscious pause and LISTEN.

Here’s an example:

When I asked myself recently what is most exciting me right now, the answer scared me. I knew what wasn’t exciting me - i.e. most of the plans for 2016 that I had laid out back in November - but what was exciting me felt unclear.

I tried to plan out 2016 in a different way, but it just wasn’t coming to me.

So I gave myself permission to chill.

I started reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up and decided to donate a big chunk of my wardrobe to Goodwill. I learned how to properly fold my clothes instead of throwing them into the drawers crumpled up. I gave away or threw out things that weren’t bringing me joy in my home.

I gave up on trying to make my business plan for 2016 and I cancelled some of the programming that I thought I should be doing. Although the people-pleaser in me freaked out, there was a deep part of me that trusted I was doing exactly what was best for me, and therefore everyone else.

I had days where I literally felt like I couldn’t get out of bed. (And I barely did.)

Tears streamed down my face as I read chapters of Agnes de Mille’s autobiography - connecting to something within me that I couldn’t quite put words to.

The only thing I did binge-watch was Kyle Cease’s “I Hope I Screw This Up” program, which blew my mind apart. (Thank you, Elizabeth DiAlto for mentioning his name on one of your recent webinars.)

I sought things that brought me joy and lit me up in the moment - whether or not they made sense or felt “productive.”

As I did all that, I realized that a bunch of addictive habits that had crept in in the last few months were falling away. My daily chai latte fix got replaced with a nettles/oatstraw/raspberry leaf tea concoction. Instead of defaulting to Netflix or Facebook in my downtime, the desire to journal and meditate returned to me.

And while I’m still not clear on what my 2016 will look like, I’m trusting that it will reveal itself.

Let me add in that this all felt risky to me. I’m not independently wealthy, nor do I even have a substantial savings account. To stop working or planning for awhile - in spite of the financial worries that creeped up - was HUGE for me. And it still is. But it’s working.

So what next?

Of all the clearing out I did, there's one date in January that I decided not to cancel: Wednesday January 27th, when I was planning on leading a workshop.

But here’s the thing -

It feels stale to call it a workshop or a webinar.

I don’t want to lead another “workshop.”

But I do want to facilitate an experience - for myself and for anyone who’s game.

While I don’t know yet what the exact content will be for this event, I do know what I want it to accomplish:

1. To allow me to be in my truest expression and joy, while giving other attendees permission to do the same.

2. To dance into the unknown (literally or figuratively) with courage and curiosity, even among fear or doubts.

3. To create a visceral experience of freedom from past shackles and deep trust in oneself.

I envision a room of people, gathered in a white brick room. Tears. Laughter. Connection. Movement. I feel myself in total flow, letting words speak through me and holding space for magic to happen. I imagine leaving that room with a deep sense of knowing in my body, with the clarity I was craving, with the courage to keep going.

So if these ideas excite YOU, I invite you to join me for this experience.

This is not about me “teaching” you something. This is about you saying YES to that part of yourself that craves a paradigm shift, that knows there’s something else out there for you. I don’t know the answers, but I do know that we can create possibilities together.

Click here to register for “This Is Not a Webinar” on January 27th (ONLINE).

I recognize that signing up for something that doesn’t really have a name or outline is a little risky. That’s exactly why I am asking you to sign up.

A creative life means taking steps into the unknown constantly.

This is just practice for the future stuff you’re going to create.

Let’s go.

And whether or not you join me for this step into the unknown together, I'll keep you updated on where it all leads me since this blog is another thing that I decided to keep going into the new year ;)

How about you? Tell me in the comments -

What's feeling stale and what is exciting you NOW? 

Will you take any steps to let go or make space? 

to the truth in you,

Jess

my wish for you on Christmas

….

Whether or not you celebrate the holidays in any way, I’m sending you a big hug on this Full Moon Friday.

A little creativity and a dance break here or there can go a long way in these darkest days of the year. Don't forget that.

with bright blessings,

Jess

….

[here's the poem in text form in case the image above didn't come through]

May your boots stay warm and dry

wherever you might roam.

May your heart stay open and calm

whether near or far from home.

May your belly avoid any aching

and your mind avoid negative rants.

Remember you can always find inner peace

If you stop everything and dance.

addressing the post-performance blues

In the years I’ve been taking a conscious approach to my creative life, there have been multiple times I noticed myself making different choices or having different reactions than I would have in the past. Last week, I wrote about my experience at the Dirty Dancing audition, which was quite a feat.

This week, I want to talk about the creative equivalent of postpartum depression.

(Especially since we are celebrating the completion of the Creative Fridays Showcase and what a fantastic experience that was for the performers and audience alike.)

You know that moment after you complete a big project, performance, or other creation that you had poured your heart and soul into?

That moment when a deep feeling of emptiness takes hold and you worry that you might never create anything again?

That moment. The creative postpartum blues.

Of course it can be sad. When you complete something that you’ve put a lot of work into, there is a natural void that takes hold in your life. You might say goodbye to certain people who were in the process with you. You might all of a sudden feel less purpose or motivation when you wake in the morning.

But here’s the question that can change everything -

What if the emptiness didn’t have to be a negative thing?

You see, the problem isn’t the void or empty feeling. That’s actually quite natural and part of the ebb and flow of the creative process, and of life.

The problem is the judgement you put on it.

When you make it into the end of the world, it becomes a drag. When you learn to embrace this phase of your creative process, you can feel quite free.

Here are a few of the common postpartum patterns I’ve noticed over the years in my coaching practice and in my own creative life:

1. Self-criticizing:

“Oh, I could’ve done that better…”

“Her thing was so much better than mine…”

You focus right away on everything wrong with what you did or didn’t do. You avoid taking in compliments or celebrating yourself.

2. Moving on:

Starting a different project immediately

Stopping creative process altogether

You don’t give yourself space to look at what you accomplished, but instead move quickly onto something new. You might even abandon your creative pursuits altogether.

3. Feeling down / Stuffing down:

Feeling depressed

Self-medicating with substances (food/alcohol/drugs)

You get weighed down by the empty feeling and shut off your emotions. You might stuff down the feelings with overeating or using substances to avoid feeling anything.

Take note of which patterns you identify with, or write down your own unique flavor.

And here’s the invitation:

If you feel those patterns coming up, take a moment to pause.

Breathe deep and close your eyes.

And do something that few dare to do:

FEEL IT.

Allow yourself to feel this side of the creative process.

Allow tears or sobbing heaves to be released if they need to.

Allow yourself the gift of tuning in without pressure to fix or change what’s coming up for you.

There is so much power in feeling into the emptiness.

The creative muses don’t like to be forced. They will shower their inspiration upon those who are most open and ready.

So keep your channel open and get friendly with the Void. It’s there to hold your hand until a new spark of inspiration is ready to be born within you.

How do you feel after a big performance or project completes?

How do you want to rewrite your postpartum patterns?

Take a moment and let your voice be heard in the comment box below.

You’re not alone.

dancing with the void,

Jess

the most terrifying creative thing I’ve done

I saw this audition notice for the Dirty Dancing musical on Friday night, right before our You Can Dance Again rehearsal (which, by the way, was at a different location than where we usually are, so I could easily never had seen it).

My heart leaped and I said YES in that moment. I was going to go! It was only a few days away on Monday morning, at a time that I could make work.

And then hours later I came up with all the reasons why I wouldn’t go:

• It was a cattle call, there will be hundreds of dancers there, and it won’t matter if I show up or not.

• I’m pre-menstrual and my boobs are too bloated.

• I’m not prepared enough and won’t have a chance to take jazz class a million times before it.

• My dance clothes are too schlubby.

• I have no experience at auditions like this.

• I’m too old. 32 is “over the hill” in dancer years.

I was pretty convinced I wasn’t going to go and “waste” my Monday morning. A couple of close friends encouraged me, but I still wasn’t going to go.

I thought I was being realistic, but actually I was terrified of going. Because deep down, I really wanted to.

Then a phone call happened that changed everything. Fred Steinmann, an astrologer and intuitive guide who I had met over a year ago at an artsy networking event, had been reaching out here and there to lend some advice from the stars. He was always really encouraging and supportive of my dancing pursuits, and so I had forwarded him the audition notice photo on Friday.

He called me and strongly urged me to go. He sensed that I was doubting myself and about to give up on my “dream.” He shared some pieces of my astrology that made sense. And then he said, “Ya know, I’ve been feeling called to tell you to read The Alchemist…”

WHAT?! I stopped him right there and explained that just 2 weeks ago, I picked up a copy that someone was giving away on the street, and re-read it right away. It had re-inspired me and set off a chain of uncanny events (that I’ll share another time, because this post is already long).

“Yes,” he continued, “it’s like you’re following your Personal Legend and you’re at the moment that you’re about to give up, and I’m giving you the sign to keep going.”

That was all I needed to hear. I changed my mentality from, “I can’t go, because I’m not perfect,” to “I must go because I felt the initial calling and there’s some reason I need to be there.”

Maybe the reason had nothing to do with the audition itself. I just needed to make the journey.

This shifted everything for me -

I drove home on Sunday after a day of family visits in NJ while “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” played on the radio. I made a pact with myself to go to that audition as ME. The me who didn’t spend all weekend preparing, the me with PMS and the same dance clothes I’ve had for years, the me who quit dance as a career when I was 19 but was now 32 and about to step into an audition room anyway.

I got back to Brooklyn in time to get into the YMCA in the last hour before they closed. In the empty yoga studio, half-lit with rows of spin bikes to my left, I danced it out to “Stay….just a little bit long-er...” (from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack) and got pumped to show up the next morning.

Audition Day

The alarm went off at 6:00am. I turned my head to the right to dismantle it and then quickly turned left to get back to the dream I was having. A few minutes later the same thing happened until I realized that it was time to rise. The day of the Dirty Dancing audition had arrived.

[Shit. I’m really doing this.]

 

I got dressed, finished packing up my dance bag, and walked to the subway before dawn.

Pearl Studios doesn’t open til 8, but I got there at 7:30am to sign my name on the Dirty Dancing Open Call list - I was number 7.

After eating breakfast in a crowded Starbucks next to a group of chipper young dancers who were obviously regulars to this kind of audition scene (cue all my insecurities), I walked into the waiting area studio and put my stuff down in the corner space.

My brain started going into comparison mode…

“They are all so young and do this all the time.”

“She has a really cute leotard.”

“Why isn’t anyone warming up yet?”

And then I got back to myself. Reminding myself that I deserve a place here just as much as anyone else.

The room filled up with more and more dancers as we got closer to 10am. The girl sitting across from me with blonde curls and minimal make-up (like me) was reading Amy Poehler’s book “Yes, Please” and wearing colorful leg warmers. I liked her already. So I let her know “I love your legwarmers.”

I then asked her, “So, do you go to these auditions all the time?”

“Actually,” she said, “this is my first audition back in 10 years. I just started taking classes again recently because I just really missed dancing.”

My heart expanded and my whole body found more ease.

I told her a bit about my story of returning to dance after years away from it and the You Can Dance Again group I created. We smiled, we laughed, we connected. And we walked into that audition room together with the first group of about 30 dancers.

The casting director started reading names from the stack of resumes she held, confirming we were in fact in the room.

“Jessie Grippo?”

“Here!” I said, feeling comforted and surprised when she called me what my family calls me, “Jessie,” instead of “Jess” which is actually printed on the resume.

Then David the choreographer introduced himself and took over. He let us know that they really wanted to see our unique expression and flair - it wasn’t about getting the steps perfectly.

[!!!]

The song we were dancing to was “Stay” from Dirty Dancing - the same song I had danced to the night before, by myself in the YMCA yoga studio.

As he guided us through learning the moves, he kept shouting “DANCE IT OUT!” - another moment of comfort and surprise. He was speaking my language.

And I did it. I danced my heart out. I danced like I’ve been dancing for years, as if all the practice I had put in, every single dance video, had been preparing me for this moment without realizing it.

Once I had finished dancing in the smaller groups of 4 they broke us into, I felt relieved and actually really proud. It was another contrast to how I might have felt years ago - i.e. mad at myself for not nailing every single step or comparing myself to all the other dancers.

I didn’t get all the choreography right. I didn’t do it perfectly. But I danced it out fully and showed up as myself, wild hair and all.

On the way out of the room, I shook hands with the choreographer and casting director and thanked them deeply.

Then something happened that I didn’t expect - The tattooed guy who had been working the music walked by me and said, “I really liked what you did out there.”

“Really?!” I asked, totally shocked that someone had noticed me.

We conversed a bit in the hallway and I told him how it was my first audition ever of this nature. He shared some of the “inside scoop” with me - apparently the casting director and choreographer had noticed me, too.

I was floored and almost started balling crying in that moment.

I honestly didn’t need the validation to feel good about myself. I was already in a state of being proud that I had showed up and danced and had made a new friend. But this added piece of info definitely added an extra boost of satisfaction.

After years of “doing my own thing” with dance, I had an experience in the “real” dance world - the dance world that I’ve feared and resented for years - that made me feel like being me was good enough.

I’m not sure what will happen from here, but I am so so grateful that I decided to show up for the thing that scared me the most.

And I am even more grateful for the people in my life who gave me the nudge to not back away, because without them, I certainly wouldn’t have followed through:

Sometimes we need a metaphorical Patrick Swayze to remind us that Nobody puts Baby in the corner.

So, if you don’t have anyone in your life reminding you to step forward, speak your truth, do your dance, or try something new, let me be the one.

Dance it out. The world needs you to.

You might fail, you might succeed, but what’s most important is that you dare to try.

Curious to hear what this brings up for you - so please leave a comment below and let me know.

to having the time of your life,

Jess

p.s. Thought it was important to mention that a few years ago I did skip an audition. My “dream” and desires were different then, as was my level of confidence and experience. It was more important for me then to really focus on the creative work I was building on my own. I was happy to make the decision to say no. This time it was different.

So all that to say - be true to yourself in what you really want to go for. Don’t go to the Broadway audition if it’s part of an old, stale dream you think you “should” pursue. But by all means, go if it is what most lights you up.